i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize