I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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