i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
