I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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