I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
