Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
