We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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