he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
