i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize