i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize