benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
