this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
