dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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