I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
