there was a trapeze. enough said
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
