Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
