Acid is not a monday night drug
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize