He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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