dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
So many bounce houses so little time
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
