ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
