i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
