Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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