overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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