i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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