You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
