why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
