All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
