Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
