is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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