i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
