I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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