Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
