Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
