it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
