Can Purell be used as lube?
time to smoke my breakfast
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
