Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize