Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
