He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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