I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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