Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
