Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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