I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
