so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
