Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize