woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
