That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
