I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
