I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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