I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
