so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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