why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
