if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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