You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
