I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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