Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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