I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
