I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
