70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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