I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize