she woke up with a sticky ear
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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