also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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