i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i think i have two assholes
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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