before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
