he puts the penis in happiness.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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