I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
