At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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