i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
