Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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