i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
