____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
