I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
