Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
