This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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