she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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