No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
