you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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