this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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