i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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