Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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