Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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