I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
