do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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