I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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