bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
